The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
