Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize