im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
