dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
