dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
