I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
