Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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