I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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