a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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