Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
