Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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