Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
