First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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