I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
