Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
