Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
