her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
