last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
