i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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