The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
