Already got asked if we're dating
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
