u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
