White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
then he tried to convert me to islam
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
