Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
