I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
