they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
