Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
