david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
