he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
