I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
