I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
