she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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