Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize