If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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