i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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