do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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