You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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