I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
