did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
