If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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