the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
