No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
