this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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