Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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