dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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