They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
