while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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