best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
