dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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