He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There's always time for handjobs
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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