she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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